This week, on my way home from work, I was approaching an intersection when I heard a guy on a bike yelling about almost getting hit while turning. He stood there grumbling for a good minute.
I stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light, looking in his direction—almost unfazed. I’ve gotten used to scenes like this. Another pedestrian was also waiting. He noticed I was looking, and we exchanged a glance. He made a comment about the scene, and we ended up chatting. The conversation flowed as we crossed the street and walked a bit before going our separate ways. Eventually, he asked one question I often get:
“Where are you from?”
The Questions I Get the Most in the US
It got me thinking and reminded me how often my life here sparks certain conversations. If I had to pick the most common questions I get in the US, they’d probably be:
“Where are you from?” and “Why did you come to the US?”
My usual answer? “I grew up in Beijing, spent time all over China, and came here for school and work.”
Pretty straightforward. Predictable. It’s like I’ve got a script.
Another one I get a lot, especially after I mention I’ve been to a bunch of places, is:
‘What’s your favorite place?’
And I always give the same response: “It’s tough to choose as each place has its own thing I liked.”
The Questions I Get the Most in China
But when I’m back home, the questions are a bit different:
People usually ask stuff like:
“Which country’s better to live in?”
“Do you plan to move back? When?”
My usual response?
“Both places have their ups and downs, so hard to say which is better. I’m not sure.”
Why My Answers Are Always Short
I get that it might sound like I’m dodging the question. But the truth is, these questions are deeper than they seem. On the surface, they’re straightforward, but underneath, they’re about curiosity, identity, and sometimes validation. They’re easy to ask because they’re universal. Hard to answer because they’re personal.
Most of the time, I don’t dive into the long version, not because I don’t want to, but because I’m not sure people really have the time (or interest) for it or if they want the ones that fits into their expectations.
So maybe this post is my way of sharing the longer answer, in the shortest way I can.
Becoming Myself—and Letting Them Be Themselves
Where I’m from is easy. Why I came to the US? A bit more complicated.
We’re all shaped by the families we grow up in, our parents, their actions, and the choices they make. Some of that shows in our personalities, some in how we approach the world, and some stays with us forever.
I’ve always believed in respecting and being kind to my parents. But I also think one of life’s goals is to find your own path, not just follow someone else’s plan. That’s tough, especially when parental love and sacrifice make it hard to separate your journey from theirs.
Moving abroad helped me connect with a version of myself I recognize more clearly. And in some ways, I think it helped my parents find themselves, too, not just as “mom” and “dad.” In many Chinese families, everything revolves around the kids. But one of the most meaningful ways to love them back is to give them space to live their own lives—without always needing to take care of you.
Ironically, my being away has made their lives more colorful. They travel, try new things, and meet new people in ways they didn’t before. We still talk a lot and stay close emotionally. But the distance has given all of us a bit more freedom.
Into a Comfort Zone, Not Out of One
As I’ve gotten older, I keep finding myself asking the same thing:
When do I feel most like myself?
It turns out, it’s often when I’m traveling, or living abroad.
And while language was a big factor in choosing the US (English being the only foreign language I know just enough to live abroad) ,it wasn’t just a practical decision.
During college, I spent some time studying in London where I met incredible people from all over the world. But I noticed something with students from US, the conversation just flowed differently. Not exactly sure why but it felt familiar in a way that stuck with me.
That’s mostly why I ended up moving the US later on.
Over time, I realized my choice wasn’t random and reflected something fundamental in me. And I found the Big Five model to be surprisingly helpful for making sense of it. Those five dimensions:
Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.
I feel most authentically myself in environments that are:
- High in Openness – curious, expressive, creative.
- High in Extraversion – dynamic, social, conversational.
- Mid in Conscientiousness – structured, but not rigid.
- Mid in Agreeableness – genuine, but not overly people-pleasing.
- Mid in Neuroticism – emotionally aware, not overwhelmed or numb.
Based on that and some cultural research, the English-speaking countries that seem to fit me best are:
Ireland, USA, Australia, Canada, UK, and New Zealand , in that order.
Looking at that list, it makes sense why I ended up in the US.
And though I’ve never been to Ireland, I’ve always felt a soft spot for it. Like I was drawn to it before I even knew why. Maybe now I understand.
People often think that moving abroad is all about challenging yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone.
Just to clarity, I didn’t move abroad to challenge myself or make a statement or anything like that.
It just felt more like stepping into a more comfortable zone, not leaving one behind.
So, Which Country’s Better?
So now you’ve got more than just the short version. Not just the usual go-to answer.
And if you’ve ever wondered which country’s better to live in? Well, I’d say: it depends.
Because most of the time, what people really mean is, ‘Which one’s better for me?’
And that’s something only you can decide for yourself.
Leave a Reply